Shadows of His Past
by Boscosbabe55
Summary: Finney reflects on his past, only to encounter it later on. Rated R for violence. I'm not good at summeries, I'm sorry. Please just read it though. Might like it.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Shadows of his past Rating: R - Violence and such Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others. Category: Angst Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. The first chapter is short because I want to see what people think before I really going into this fic. So let me know.

"Again!" He shouted.

The sound of gunfire filled the room.

"Again, keep going until I say stop. Until I think you've done good enough."

"But my hands hurt Dad."

"Suck it up. AGAIN!"

It seemed to go on for another twenty-five minuets, until I couldn't watch anymore. "Dad, she's had enough. She can hardly hold on to the gun anymore."

His cold, glaring eyes locked on me. I was going to say something, but I knew better. "She better learn how, if she wants to survive on the streets. She needs to learn how to shoot. What if she gets in a gun fight with some skel? I don't want the captain coming to my house, saying my child is dead because she failed to defend herself." He turned to here. "AGAIN!"

I looked at him, I may have only be eight years old, but I wasn't stupid. . "She's only five years old." I looked as my sister held the gun in her small shaking hand.

"Yes and in 17 years she'll be in the PA, she needs to start somewhere." He turned back to her. "AGAIN!"

I jumped each shot that was fired, there was nothing I could do, he knew better the to fight with my old man, unless I wanted a fat lip and a black eye to match.

By the time we got home it was close to dinner, and My Dad was still pissed. Then again he was always pissed. We walked into the house the aroma of pot roast filling the air.

"Bridget go upstairs to your room, now. I want you to think about how poorly you did today. And you won't be joining us for dinner." His voice was harsh, he meant business.

Saying nothing, she quickly ran up the stairs. I would be sneaking her scraps tonight. If I could.

"Brendan get in the kitchen and you help your mother with dinner. Now!"

"Yes sir." I replied just as he smacked the back of my head getting me to hurry along, before retreating to his office, for a glass of scotch.

"Did you kids have fun?" My mother asked me, keeping busy with dinner.

"Yes Mom." I replied. I knew not to tell her the truth. That I honestly didn't have fun. I hated it. The way my father pushed me over and over. Pushing me until I couldn't go on any more. The same he did with my sister. Bridget and I were going to be cops. Follow in our fathers footsteps, and we had no choice in the matter. He had planned our future all out for us. It was his life, not ours.

She smiled softly. My mother had the most beautiful smile. That was when my father didn't fatten her lip. But she was still a beautiful woman, who I loved more then anything. "Where's Bree?"

"Dad sent her upstairs, she didn't do so good." I say softly.

My mother nodded in reply, looking towards the living room making sure my old man wasn't there. "I'll fix her something you can sneak up to her. But you got to be careful Brendan. Don't let your father know."

I nodded in reply, as I set the table. "Yes mom." I couldn't how many time I had been caught either sneaking food for myself, or Bridget, and my old man catching me. It would usually end up with the beating of a lifetime. My dad wasn't necessarily the sweetest man on earth.

My mother started putting dinner on the table, and then went to get my father from his office. They would probably fight for a good ten minuets about letting Bridget come down to dinner. But I knew my father wouldn't back down. "She's gotta learn to be tough, or she won't survive one week on the streets." that's what he would say.

Everything was based on being in blue, his children being in blue. He didn't care what he did to us, as long as we would make it in the blue.

The three of us had dinner. My dad talk about work, told me what I shouldn't do and should do when I was on the force. What we would work on the net time we went to the range. How he was going to take Bridget to the ranger the next day, hoping she would do better. He asked an awful lot out of a five year old girl.

My mom, wouldn't dare object or say anything. Last time she did that, she ended up the hospital with a broken wrist. My dad, you just didn't cross him. I felt bad for her, and my sister. They were never good enough for him.

"The meats a little dry." he commented, wiping his mouth.

"I'm sorry. Y-you want some gravy?" My mother asked. I could tell she was scared.

"It won't help. No matter what you do, you can't do anything right." He slammed his fits on the table, causing some of the silverware to fly up. "Damn it, is it that hard to ask for a nice meal. How hard is it took cook a pot roast? Are you stupid or something."

My mom jumped. "Please CT." Her voice filled with fear, begged my father.

"Damn it, I work hard to put food on this goddamned table the least you could do is cook it right." He stood up, taking his plate, he threw the entire thing into the trash, then walked over to my mother, grabbing her by her fiery red hair and getting into her face. "Sometimes I don't even know why I bothered to marry you. Your worthless. Nothing but a no good piece of shit." He slapped her hard, causing me to jump.

I wanted to help my mother, but fear had me frozen in my seat. I could feel my fists clenching as my dad shoved my mother out of her chair and to the floor, picking up her plate. He spilled it on the floor. He picked up the plate in which the pot roast sat on, and spilled it on the floor too. He knelt along side her. ""It's disgusting crap. Only a dog would eat it." He shoved her face into the food, holding it there. "I'm going to watching the evening sport report, when I get back this mess better be clean." He hissed taking a few steps away from her. My Dad stopped, turning and kicked her in the ribs as hard as he could before finally going back to his office.

I sat for a few minuets, listening to my mothers cries, slowly I moved from my seat to her side. "Mommy..." I looked at her face, her lips bleeding. "You okay?"

"Brendan sweetie, go upstairs. There's food in the refrigerator for your sister. Take it to her. Go upstairs, okay. I'm okay." She kissed me even though her lip was throbbing. "I love you."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave my mom, but staying would only make it worse. "You want me to go get Mrs. Murphy?" I ask.

"No sweetie, just go upstairs."

I slowly stand to my feet, my eyes still on my mother I nodded my head. "Okay Mommy, I love you too" I find the food my mom fixed for my sister, and quickly head upstairs, hoping there wouldn't be around two tonight. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Shadows of his past  
Rating: R - Violence and such  
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.  
Category: Angst  
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.  
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you.

"Yo Finney, earth to Finney." I hear a voice and slowly turn to it.

"Hmm?" I look at my partner Davis.

"Where were you jus' now?" He asked me handing me a cup of coffee.

"Thinking." I stare down into my coffee.

"Who is she?" Davis asked.

I looked at him. "Who?"

"The girl you were thinkin' 'bout?"

I shook my head. "She was - she was, no one you'd know." I sip at my coffee.

"She's gotta be someone, if she's got you all lost out there in la-la land."

"Well she's no one. Okay. Drop it. It's none of your business anyways." I know I sounded harsh, but I didn't need my whole family life being out there for everyone to know.

Ty put his hands up. "Sorry." He leaned against the RMP watching me.

"What?" I snapped turning to him.

"Nothin' - don't worry about it."

"Good." I slipped into the RMP, waiting for Ty. I really didn't feel like talking much anymore, at least not about that.

Ty followed me, and slid into the drivers side. "So was it Grace." He gave me a small smile.

"Grace?" I turned to Davis in question. "What 'bout her?"

"Is that who you were thinkin' of?"

"No."

"Oh," he pasued, "I thought that you two were like an item or sometime."

"Were not." I shortly reply.

"If you say so."

I glare at him. "Damn it Davis, there's nothin' goin' on 'tween me an."

"That's not what I heard." A smirk grew on his lips.

"Yea, well you heard wrong. So drop it."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

"Nothin' happen 'tween Grace an' I. Even if it did. It's none of your business."

"Well if nothin' happened between you and her. You awfully defensive."

"Davis please shut up. I'm not the mood."

He sat quiet as he started driving off.

"She is pretty hot."

"Damn it Davis!" I yell. I was really annoyed. Grace and I, were none of his business, it was no ones.

"What 'bout before you shot that guy?"

"Davis," I sigh, "nothing happened."

"Fine nothin' happened. Or so you say. Buy hey man to each his own." He said. "It just seems, or it seemed the day of the shootin' you an' ace. You had something going on.

"Well we didn't so can we finally change the subject an' talk about something else?" I ask, if I didn't I was going to kill me.

----------------

She winced in pain as I placed an ice pack on her eye. "Damn it Bren, that hurts." She turned her face away, just a little bit.

"I'm sorry Bree." I frown pulling it away, I look at it for a moment. Then ever so gently put the icepack back on. "I should'a stayed home."

"It wouldn't have helped, you aren't the one who failed their English test." She hissed in pain once more.

"Yeah but I might have been able to do somethin'." I tell her sadly.

She leans against the bed. "I hate it here Bren, I hate it so much." Tears filled her eyes.

"I know you do." I hand her the icepack and move so that I'm sitting right next to her. "I hate it too, but can we do? I'm 15 an' your 12. Not like we can raise ourselves."

"I'm outta here, when I turn 16 I'm outta here." She said anger in her voice. " I can't do this anymore. I'm sick of makin' up excuses for all the injuries I keep coming up with. I'm sick of watching him beat on Mom, beat on you. Or yelling at me because I don't want to be a cop. If he keeps tellin' me I'm not cut out for it, then why does he keep pushing me? I hate it."

I pull her close to me. "That's all he knows. He lives, he eats, and breaths blue. He doesn't know anythin' else." I kiss her temple.

"Brendan," she rested her head on my shoulder. "I just,- I wish I were dead."

I bit down on my bottom lip. "Well I'd miss you if you were."

"I'd miss you too."

"I know Mom would miss you."

She sighed. "I'm just tired of it. I'm so tired of it."

"Well if you'd straighten your act out." I hear my father voice bellow.

I quickly stand up, putting myself between my father and my sister. Stupid plan, but I didn't know what else to do. "Dad."

"Son, move." He inches closer.

"Just leave her alone." I watch as he pulls off his thick leather belt.

"I said move."

I stand my ground, put her pushes me away, as I stumble to the floor. He turns to me. "Go, downstairs, your mother needs help with the laundry."

I hesitate as he grabs my sister. She has the same red hair as my mother, the same red curly locks. I see her wince as he grabs a hand full in his hand.

"Brendan get your ass down stairs now!"

I look back at my sister one more time, before leaving the room, I run down the stairs, only to turn around and quietly walk back up them. I stand outside my sister's door, listening to the snapping sound as it makes contact with my sisters body. Her cries of pain make the hair on my back stand up.

When I knew he was done, I quickly and quietly made my way back down stairs. I didn't want him to catch me. I suddenly wished I could have superhero powers. That I could be in two places at once. Somehow. One with my mother; like my father wanted. Two with my sister, trying to think of ways to cover the welts I was sure my father left behind.

"That girl will never learn." My father says walking into the laundry room. "She's got a real big mouth, but I'm sure she'll kept it shut for a while. If not there will be some problems."

My mother looks at him, folding laundry she looks back down. I know she wants to say something. But she's to scared.

I look at my father. "You can't just hit her."

"Did I give me permission to talk?"

"No." I reply shortly.

"Then shut up."

"No." I can't believe I just said that.

"Brendan." My mother speaks.

"No I won't shut up. She's little girl, you can't just use her as your punching bag."

My father steps closer to me, grabbing me by the shirt collar. "I'm warning you."

"Do what you want, I don't care, but you ain't hitting her no more!" I close my eyes and prepare myself for what ever pain he was going to inflict on me.

I feel my father fist hit my face, the pain surging through my body, then the blood coming from my nose. "What did you just say?"

"CT!" My mothers voice is filled with fight. Fight for her child's safety.

"Stay out of this Kelly." He hollers at her.

"I said you can't hit her anymore, she's only a little girl. You're gunna kill her."

"Well it will teach her lesson, then." He throws me down to the floor spitting on me. "Go upstairs, you worthless piece of shit."

I look up at him, wiping the blood off with my shirt sleeve. I know his next target is my mother, but this time I can't be there.

Standing up I give my mother an apologetic and head upstairs, to wash my face off, but mainly to see if Bridget was okay.

Stopping outside her room, I could hear her sobbing. "Budgie." Budgie had been a nick name I came up with a few years ago.

She stops sobbing. "Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

There was silence.

"Budgie...?'

"Uh yeah." She replied softly.

I walk into her room, she was still hunched over on the floor. "Jesus." I look at her.

"Brendan," She turns to me holding her side. "Your nose is bleedin'."

"Nothin' but a little blood." I didn't want to scare her. "Can you get up?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna though. It hurts." She gives me a crooked smile.

"C'mon." I helped her up and on to her bed. Thankfully tomorrow is Saturday, which means no school, and my dad would be working a double. Which meant, she could stay in bed all day. I'd help my mom around the house. "You need anythin'?"

"Can you get me my pajamas? The blue ones, with the yellow bunnies on them, and my gray sweatshirt?"

I nodded, going over to her closet, I closed her bedroom door as I did. I didn't want to her the beating my father was giving my mother.

"Here," I handed them to her. "I'm gunna wash my face off while you change."

She nodded, slowly moving. I could see it hurt her to move. "Thanks Bren."

"No problem." I closed the door behind me, hearing my mother cry down stairs, was only making matters worse.

--------------

"55 David." I hear the radio come to life, I look over at Davis as he drives.

"55 David." I reply.

"55 David take a report of a domestic disturbance, 123 and Riverside."

"123 and Riverside, 10-4." I flip the lights and sirens on as Davis picks up speed. Great just the type of call I loved. Domestics.

Ty stopped the RMP out side the given address, where a husband was beating on his wife.

"Alright, enough. Break it up already." I yell. I watch as the man continues to beat on his wife. She pinned in a corner with nowhere to go, her hands hovering over her head.

The guy turned to me and just laughed, before beating on his wife some more.

I could see on her face, he had done enough damage. I gave him one more warning, when he didn't stop, I pulled out my nightstick, and cracked him on the knee. It sent him down. "You think it's fun beatin' on a helpless woman. You want to know how it feels buddy." I raised the nightstick high above my head, bringing it down I made contact with him. "That's how it feels." I repeated this a few more times before I felt Davis pulling me off of him.

"Finney, that's enough. Go over there now!" He yelled pointing at the RMP.

I took a few steps back my eyes locked on the man. "It'll teach him not to beat on women again." I yelled loud enough so he could hearing. Turning I walked back to the RMP hearing as Davis called for a bus. I was going to have to explain this to Swersky, but I didn't care. It would be a long time before the man ever thought about laying a hand on his wife.

------------------------

"What were you thinking." Swersky yells at me.

I look up at him, my face unmoved. "That a man shouldn't be beatin' on his wife"

"As much as you would probably like too, you can't beat up everyman who beats his wife."

I just stare at him. It was a little more personal then some husband beating on his wife. "Yes sir."

"You beat him into coma." Swersky said.

I nodded.

He paced back and fourth for a little before finally stopping. "You're done today." he said as my Father walked in.

He looked at me, then at Swersky. "Your sending my boy home?"

"I don't have a choice." Swersky replied. "Brendan, go get dressed."

"I was about to walk out the door."

"Brendan, stay." I hear my fathers voice. "Why are you sending him home?"

"He beat a man with his nightstick." Swersky replies.

"I'm sure he had a very good reason." There was little to no emotion in my mothers voice, he seemed as cold as ice.

"So it's okay to beat someone, if an officer has a reason?" Swersky asks.

My father turns to me. "Brendan why did you beat this man?"

I pause, almost scared to tell him the real reason. "I -- well sir he was beatin' his wife." I said in a whisper.

"I can't hear you."

"I said he was beating his wife, sir." I replied, louder so he could hear this time.

My Dad turns and looks at Swersky, pointing to me. "See he had a reason."

I found it a bit ironic that my father, a man who got off on beating his wife, found justice in what I did.

"Still isn't an excuse," Swersky replied. "he goes home."

"This isn't over Lieutenant." I hear my old man say.

"Oh I think it is." Swersky replied as my father leaves the room. he turns to me. "I'll see you tomorrow. Take some time to clear your head."

"Yes sir, see you tomorrow sir."

He just nodded at me as I exited his office heading to roll call.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Shadows of his past Rating: R - Violence and such Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others. Category: Angst Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.  
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you.

"Bridget, is that you?" I hear my mothers worried voice call from the living room.

"No Mom, it's me." I reply closing, the wooden door behind me.

She walks out. "Brendan," her eyes are red from crying, "It's your sister. She's missing."

"Missing?" I question her. I go away for a weekend, come home and Bridget is missing.

"She went out the other night with some friends, and she never came home." A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Do you know which friends Mom?" I ask trying to think of anywhere she could have gone.

She shook her head. "No, your father's been trying to look for her, but he hasn't found her.

It was most likely because she doesn't want to be found. She kept her word, that when she was 16 she was leaving. She did. Took sometime, but she did it. I couldn't help but to think, had I not gone away for the weekend would that have kept her at home.

"Brendan it's suppose to get real cold tonight, I'm worried." She sobs.

I kiss my mothers forehead and grab my coat. "Mom I'm gunna go look for her, if she comes home, you call my cell phone okay. Let me know. If I find her, I'll call you."

My mother nods. "Be careful Brendan. Please." She holds on to me, almost afraid to let go.

"I will Mom." I kiss her once more. "I promise." I stop noticing a bruise under her eye. She had tried to hide, by covering it up with makeup. I reach up and gently touch it, as she winces in pain. "Dad do that to you?" I ask her, my hand dropping to my side.

She nods in reply.

"Bastard." I hiss, wanting to kill him right there.

"We got into a fight over your sister."

"Doesn't give him a right to hit you Mom. It doesn't. I gotta go okay, I gotta go find her."

"Okay sweetheart, please - please be careful." She begs.

"I always am Mom." I tell her before leaving.

I knew I wasn't going to find her, she knew what she was doing. She was getting far away from here, like she wanted. That explained the hug she gave me before I left. I had gone away for the weekend before, Bridget she would give me a small, hug. But when I left this time, she had a death grip on me. Meaning she had this planned all along.

I kicked a rock into the street. "God damn it Bridget." I curse to myself as I walked. "I was planning on getting my own apartment, I already had the down payment, why couldn't you have waited. Why?" I'm talking to myself, people are staring, and I don't care. I was so mad at her I wanted to strangle her. If she just could have waited, I would have figured it out. She wouldn't have had to run away.

I wasn't about to give up, especially as the winters chill wiped through me. I didn't want my sister, sleeping outside somewhere. Not in this cold, and not in this city. I wondered as I walked just how hard my Dad was looking for. Sure he might of loved her, maybe. But enough to find her, I wasn't so sure? I didn't think a man, who beat his child; like my dad beat Bridget could possibly love her.

Returning home without her was a lot harder then I thought. I hated seeing the look on my mothers face when I came home alone. "Has dad called yet? He know anythin'?" I ask her, hoping the answer would be yes, but knowing ultimately it would be no.

She shook her head. "I haven't heard from him." She used a tissue to dry her eyes. "She's only 16 Brendan, she's still practically a baby."

"How long as he been lookin' for her?" I nod; I hate seeing my mother like this. The one thing she takes pride in are her children. "I know."

"Since she didn't come home, he really hasn't slept. He slept for a few hours last night. Maybe two, but was up again looking for her."

"I don't know why he bothers." I say. "It's his fault."

"Brendan!" My mother yells.

"What? It is. You've seen how he beats her, he does the same thing to you." I raise my voice, feeling the anger surge through my blood.

"It doesn't mean he doesn't love her." My mom says to me. She always found excuses for him.

"Then what does it mean? Huh? 'Cause what he does to you, does to her. That's not love. I don't care what he does to me; I'm a man I can take it. But damn it, you don't hit girls." I throw a glass against the wall and it shatters. "You don't hit girls an' you don't women."

My mother jumps just as the glass breaks. "Brendan, please."

"Mom, Budgie, she's out there 'cause she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't handle him beating on her. She couldn't do it. She didn't come home 'cause where ever the hell she is, she thinks it's safer and better then here, that's how bad it is for her." I take a deep breath shaking my head. I start picking up the broken glass, and then throw it away. "I gotta go Mom."

"Where you going?" She asks.

"Try an' find her. I have no choice. Someone has got to help her."

----------------------

I walked into the precinct, and towards the locker room.

"Feeling better?" Swersky asks.

"Yes sir." I reply.

"Not going to beat up any unsuspecting husbands today?" He asks I see small smile form.

"I'll try not too sir." He still doesn't understand the SOB had it coming. I'd do it again if I had too.

He looks at me; I can see he isn't happy with that answer.

"I mean no sir." I quickly reply, hoping he doesn't send me home again.

"That's better, go get dressed, we got a call holding, for problems with some squatters."

I look at him. "Shouldn't someone just call housing?"

"They tried that, they haven't had any luck. Hoping maybe we can scare them out for good."

"They're jus' trash anyways." I say. "I'm a cop, not a garbage man."

"Today your part time garbage man okay, go get dressed."

I sigh, heading to the locker room, less then happy with my assignment. My old man obviously left this part out, when he bragged about the job.

Getting dressed I look over at Davis, and nod him a quick hello. "You almost ready?" I ask holstering my weapon.

"Jus' waiting on you man." He puts on foot on the bench.

"Good, then lets go collect some trash." I say not even waiting for an answer.

We get to the squat, and it's got to be one of the most rundown joints I had ever seen. The rats were everywhere, the smell was even worse. I honestly didn't know how the hell people lived like this or, why they hell they would want too.

I followed Davis, up the decaying wooden stairs, and into the apartment, following him into the first room, where people were gathered. These people were definitely scum. There was no doubt about. Someone of them were strung out on one drug or another, the others were just useless scum.

We quickly cleared that room, and made our way back up the stairs, to another room. There weren't as many people in this one, yet it smelled twice as worse. Holding my arm over my nose, I used my nightstick, to wake up and shoo them away. They didn't have to go home, but they couldn't stay here. "Okay people time to get up. Wakey wakey." I shout walking through the people, pushing them out the door. Then I stopped, Davis runs into me.

"Finney, what the hell?"

I take a few steps closer. It couldn't be, I wasn't going to allow myself to believe it. But as I got closer, I knew it was true. With my nightstick, I tapped her. She moaned, but didn't wake. Cautiously I tapped her once more. Getting the same response, I knelt along side her feeling for a pulse. There was one, but by the looks of her she wasn't doing well.

I picked her up, scooping her into my arms. "Davis, we gotta get her to Mercy." I push her curly hair, out of her eyes. It was in desperate need of a washing. Her whole body was.

"Whoa, wait a minuet Finney. What's goin' on here? Do you know her?"

I look down at the girl, doing my best to keep my anger in control. "Yeah, she's my sister. Davis, c'mon we gotta go." I tell him, hurrying out of the apartment.

"You want to call your Dad?" He questions me.

I look at him. "No!" That would be the last thing, she would want, he was the reason she ran away. He was the reason she was like this. "I don't want him know at all."

We get outside, and Davis opens the back door to the RMP, I slide in with her. "It's goin' to be okay Budgie. It'll be okay." I tell her holding her close. "Go!" I shout to Davis. "Drive!"

I sit along side her bed as she sleep. They had done a tox screen and found Ecstasy in her system. By the looks of things, she had been doing drugs for sometime now. She definitely wasn't the little girl, I knew years ago. She looked so tired, so beaten, so hurt.

"She's going to be okay?" I hear Davis ask.

I push one of her curls behind her ear. "Eventually."

"Are they going to keep her?"

I shake my head. "No, when she wakes up, they're gunna release her. Not enough beds, apparently she's been here before and put up one helluva a fight."

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Take to my place, what else can I do?"

Davis looks at her. "I take it, she and your dad don't get along?"

I look at my sleeping sister. "Somethin' like that. Yea, they don't really get along." I look at her chipped nail polish. "She ran away when she was 16, an' until now. I hadn't seen her."

"Wow, damn. I'm sorry man." Davis says.

I run my hand up and down her arm. "Yea me too." It could have been prevented this could have been stopped. I should have done something sooner.

I watch as her deep green eyes flutter open, she looks around a bit, and then looks at me. "Brendan," she reaches out, touching my badge. "Your - your a cop." She says in a whisper, a small smile crossing her lips.

A smile, it had been so long since I'd seen those eyes, heard that voice. "Yea. I graduated the PA, a few months ago."

"That's good." She goes to sit up. "Whoa, wow my head. Holy..."

"You okay, you want a doctor?" I ask her.

"No, definitely no." She manages to sit up all the way her eyes quickly dart outside. I see fear fill them. "You didn't call him didja?"

"Dad? No, he has no idea." I tell her.

She relaxes a little. "Thank god." I see the relief spread over her face.

"I missed you Budgie." I finally manage to say. Until then I hadn't realized how much I missed her.

"Brendan, please not now. Okay." She rubs her head. "Maybe later, but not now."

I nodded. "Fine - but you're comin' to my place an' we're gunna talk."

"No - no I can't. Please Brendan. He'll find me there." I see tears fill her eyes, even after all these years. She's still scared f him.

I take her hand giving her a reassuring squeeze. "No, I promise you he won't. He's not goin' to know Budgie"

"Brendan, I - I don't know?"

"I do, okay. I know. Dad won't find you." I stick my pinky out. "Pinky swear?"

She stares at my finger for a moment, before finally reach out with hers. "Okay."

"Good, c'mon lets get you out of here. Where was the last time you ate?"

"A few days ago." My sister replies with a shrug.

"So I assume your hungry. How about pizza?"

"O-okay."

I turn to Davis. "Davis I have to ask you a big, a big huge favor?" I turn back towards my sister.

"Sure man, what is it?"

"Can you drop me off at my place, have Lieutenant Swersky call me, so I can explain everything to him. Most of all, -whatever- you do. Please, please don't let my dad know what's going on."

He nods. "Got it, no problem man."

"Thanks, I mean it Davis. I owe you."

Don't know how much of a conversation I'm going to have between Finney and his sister. I'm finding it hard to write Finney since we haven't seen much of him. So I'll see what happens. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Just pedal. I'm goin' to let go after I push you. All you have to do is pedal"

She turns and looks at me worry in her small eyes. "What if I fall?"

"Would I let you fall?" I ask her. "C'mon give it a try Budgie."

She licks her bottom lip and stares at me. "Brendan..."

"You wanna learn to ride a two-wheeler right?"

She nods. "Yea, the kids make fun of me 'cause of the training wheels."

"Well then okay, this is how you learn. Sure you may fall a few times, but then you get back on the bike and try again." I tell her.

She looks forward, towards the end of the block. I can tell she's thinking about wanting to do this or not. She takes a deep breath. "O-okay." She replied softly putting her feet on to the pedals. "I'm ready."

I slap the top of her helmet. "That's what I wanna hear." I grab hold to the back of her seat, one hand on her back. "Okay ready?"

"Ready?" She replied, I can tell she's eager.

I start running and she started pedaling. "Okay, I'm goin' to let go now." I tell her smiling. I knew she could do it.

"Brendan no!" She cries out.

"Trust me." Stopping I let go of the seat, she has no idea that she's riding on her own.

"Don' let go! Please don' let go." I hear her yell. "Don't let go Brendan." She turns around and sees I had already let go. Looking forward, she struggles to keep in control of the bike, before falling into the grass a few feet later.

I run to her side. "You okay?"

She looks up at me smiling. "I did it. I really did. I rode a two-wheeler Brendan." She stands up pulling the bike with her. "I want try again." She tells me, a huge smile on her face, her green eyes shinning.

"You did. See I tol' you, that you could do it." I smile down at her. It's rare you see her smile anymore. "Sure c'mon let's go."

"Maybe we can show Daddy, maybe he'll be proud of me an' won't spank me." There's hope in her voice.

I never thought a six year old words could make me so sick, but they did. She wanted him to be proud of her, so he wouldn't hurt her. I swallow. "We'll see when he comes home. He's gets off work, real late. You'll be in bed."

"Okay," she climbs back on to her bike, "I'm ready."

"Okay, feet on the pedals and were off." I say, running with her, before giving her a final push and letting her go.

-------------

I open the door, allowing her into my apartment. "It's kinda small, but I'm the only one who stays here." I close the door behind us. "If you want to take a shower there are towels under the sink, and plenty of shampoo and stuff in the shower itself. Most of it's the type for men though."

She shakes her head. "It's fine," she turns, "thanks for letting me stay." Her eyes wander the room. "I don' care what it smells like. I just want to shower. You have no idea how long it's been."

"What do you want on your pizza?" I ask.

She's still looking around. "Cheese, that's all. Can we get some bread sticks?" She asks.

A smile crosses my lips. Something's will never change. "Cheese pizza, and bread sticks." I pull out a flyer for a local pizza joint and dial the number.

I watch her walk over to my entertainment center, she takes a picture of our mother into her hand. "How is she? Mom?"

"Good. She'd love to see you." I tell her.

She stares at the picture a little longer. "I - I don' know Brendan. Dad, if she tells him."

I tell her to hang on, as I quickly order the pizza, once I'm finished I hang up. "I can have Mom, come over. Invite her for dinner. Budgie you're her baby, you have no idea how she misses you. How she cried when she left."

She looks at me. "I'm scared Brendan, if he finds me, "there's a pause as a few tears fall down her cheeks, "I didn't mean to make Mom cry. You believe me right?" She turns to me. "I jus' couldn't live like that Brendan. You left for the weekend. An' Dad; well he was Dad. The more I'd beg him to stop the more he'd hit me. It hurt so bad, it really hurt. Next day he went to work, I tol' Mom I was goin' out with some friends. I never came home."

"I know, I looked for you. I looked for hours days. Until now I was still looking for you. I never gave up." I looked at her. "Dad looked for you too you know." I knew it wouldn't help and after a week he gave up.

"I knew I was probably goin' to leave that weekend. I jus' knew it. I wanted to wait until you came home, but you'd try and stop me."

"I was goin' to get a place Budgie. I even had a down payment. I was goin' to get you out of there." I tell her softly. I think it was an attempt to make her feel better. If not her, maybe myself.

She bites down on her bottom lip. "It would been too late Brendan, Dad would have killed me. It would have been too late." She sighs kissing my cheek. "I'm gunna take a shower, okay."

"Hold on," I say hurrying into my bedroom, I pull out some sweats, "here, fresh clothes."

"Thanks Brendan." She says bundling up the sweats in her arms.

"Don't worry about it.". I say walking to the couch, I sit down closing my eyes just as I hear the shower on.

-------------

"You're going to learn young lady. Not too touch stuff that doesn't belong to you." My father pulls Bridget by arm.

"Daddy, I didn't mean too. I'm sorry." She cries out. "I'm sorry."

I follow, hoping maybe I can stop him. Do something. Even though deep down inside I knew there was nothing I could do. Other then killing him, which would make matters worse.

He leads her into the kitchen. "When are you going to learn to do things right?" He asks her. "You got to stop being so stupid."

Tears fill her eyes. "Daddy I'm sorry."

I knew sorry wasn't going to help. It Never did. There were no "I'm sorry" with my dad.

He pulls a kettle of boiling water he had on the stove, takes her and the kettle over to the sink.

"Dad! NO!" I finally spoke up. I couldn't let him do what he was going to do. It wasn't right. I don't care what she did. It was bad enough for that to happen.

He puts the kettle down, still holding on to my sister. He walks over to me. "You should go."

"Dad, don't please. Ground her or something, but don't do that." I look down at her, she's trembling with fear.

"Brendan, go." He says.

I stay not moving. "No." I figured the longer I try and fight with him, the madder he would get at me, and turn his rage on to me. So I hoped.

It didn't work. I watched him pull out his cuffs, cuffing my sister to the chair. He started towards me, and as soon as he was close enough he started slapping me.

"You know not to talk back to me." He yells. Slapping me some more. I can taste the blood on my lip.

"I'm not going to let you do what you were planning. You can't."

He only hits me harder. "I'm her father, I can do what I want. Do you want her to be a whore, just like your mother. I brought her into this world and if I want too, I can take her out."

Taking my sister out of this world, wasn't going to be a problem for him, if he kept doing, what he had been doing. "My mothers not a whore, an' neither is Bridget. She's six for crying out loud." He gets his hands around my neck chocking me. It hurts, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of me crying. He only chokes me harder.

"She's got to learn at sometime." He finally lets go of me. I fall to the floor gasping for air. I'm thinking he's done. But the blows to my ribs proves he's not. He keeps beating me.

Finally he stopped, leaving me in excruciating pain on the living room floor, as I gasped for air. I could hear him in the kitchen, as he took the cuffs off of her. I could hear her crying.

"Give me your hands." I her his angered voice.

"D-daddy."

"Now." He yells louder.

I begin to stand in to my feet, to go into the kitchen and try and stop it. But hearing her painful screams I knew I was too late.

He walks out of the kitchen as stops in front of me. "Now she'll think twice before touching something that doesn't belong to her." He continued walking and up the stairs to his room.

I cursed him under my breath, words a son shouldn't call his father, but hearing my sister cry I couldn't help myself. I finally made my way into the kitchen, where Bridget sat on the floor, curled into a ball. Her small hands were red, and blistered. Some skin was falling off of them. It scared me. I had never seen anything so gross in my life. "Budgie."

"B-Brendan," she's crying, her small body is shaking, "it hurts." She looks up at me. "Make it stop."

I pick her up in my arms, sticking her hands under cool water, doing my best to cool the burns down. I had to get her to the hospital. "It's okay, I'm gunna help." I carried her in my arms. "What didja you touch?" I asked. "That made Dad so mad?"

The tears roll down her cheeks, soaking the front of my shirt as she lay against me. "Daddy's new badge, I was going to make it shiny for him."

"It'll be okay now, okay Budgie. We're gunna go to Mrs. Murphy's now. It'll be okay." It made me sick to think a father did this to his own child. When his own child was going to do something nice for him.

-------------

"Brendan! Brendan!"

"What? What! Budgie you okay?" My voice asked her in an alarmed tone.

"Yea, fine. The pizza's here." She's looking at me oddly.

"Oh, here." I hand her a twenty. "Tell him to keep the change." I tell her, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I hold the twenty out, and stare at her scared right hand. Evidence of the burns still there.

Slowly she reaches and takes it from me. "Okay, you alright?"

"Yeah fine." I reply.

"Sure?"

I nod. "Positive Budgie."

"If you say so." She heads to the door, giving him the money and taking the pizza from him.

"It smells so good." She smiled putting the box down on the coffee table. "I'm so hungry. You know how long it's been since I had hot pizza."

I don't answer. I'm sure it's been pretty long. By how skinny she was, how tired she looked. I head into the kitchen, getting two plates and some soda, before heading back into the living room.

She bits into the pizza, some of the cheese falling off her chin. She swallows. "Oh my God, Brendan. This pizza is incredible."

"Glad you like it, I've only ordered from them twice before. Guess I should keep ordering."

"It's seriously good pizza." She smiled washing it down with some soda.

"So I was thinkin' you can have my bed tonight, The other bedroom is small and filled with junk. But I can clean it out this weekend, we can go get you a futon."

She looks at me for a few minuets, chewing on some more pizza. "Where will you sleep?" She asks swallowing the pizza.

"I can take the couch for now, it's no problem. I sleep on the couch more then my bed anyways. So it's no difference."

"Only if your sure." She replied.

I hand her some paper towels. "Yea, I'm sure."

She looks at me. "What 'bout Mom. I mean I'd like to see her, I really would. I miss her, but if dad were to find out."

"I'll call her tonight an' see what I can do. I'll invite her for dinner." I suggest. "Or we'll go somewhere. You want to do that?"

"Make sure dad is workin'. He's not goin' to let her out of the house other wise." She tells me. "We can try, whatever works best and as long as Dad doesn't know."

"I know." I reply nodding. "I'll figure it out, okay. Don' worry 'bout it Budgie."

She finishes her slice of pizza, grabbing another one. I don't think I had ever seen my sister chow down on three pieces of pizza, especially ones this big. "You like bein' a cop?" She asks me.

"Sure why not." I reply. I did like it, I only worked my whole life for it, but sometimes I wasn't sure if I was meant for the job.

"All that stupid shootin' practice at the range, you use that shit yet?" I hear the anger in her voice. She hated that range more then anything.

I pause before answering, not sure if I want to tell her the truth. "Yea, actually I used it a few weeks ago. This junkie, he had a gun to a paramedics he. So I shot him."

"Really. Where?"

"In the head." I matter-of-factly reply.

She just stares at me. "You killed a guy?" Her face is unmoved.

"Yea." I really didn't feel comfortable talking about this with her.

"Wow, that's..."

I cut her off. "-Pretty fucked up I know. The old man, he was proud. Real proud."

"Least one of us can make him proud, huh. I was never able to do it. No matter what, it was never good enough. I was never good enough him. I was shit in his eyes. The same shit he would scrape off his shoes and toss into the trash. I was better off dead."

"Budgie, no that's not true." I look at her and I can see the pain in her eyes. I see what all the years of abuse have done to her.

"To you it's not, the old man however. The bastard never gave a damn." She replied taking another bite of pizza. "He didn't Brendan. He never once gave a rats ass 'bout me. Never will, an' all 'cause I wasn't cut to be a cop. God for bid, someone shouldn't be like him."

I chew on my inner cheek. "Budgie-" I reach out pulling her into a hug. She resists at first but after a few minuets she breaks down in my arms.

"Brendan," she was sobbing. "I tried so hard, I did. I really did. I wanted him to love me, but I never had a chance. I wasn't cut out to be a cop, an' I w-was cut out to be his - his daughter."


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Shadows of his past  
Rating: R - Violence and such  
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.  
Category: Angst  
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.  
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you. Also thank you everyone for your reviews. I will be starting on chapter six soon. It may take longer then the others to write but I'll be working on it.

"Budgie!" I call out. "I'm leaving for work!"

She comes out of the bedroom, pulling her hair into a ponytail. "Okay, be careful alright?"

"I will, there's money on my dresser for take-out, an' if you don't want that there's stuff in the refrigerator"

"Thanks, Brendan. I'll see you tonight."

I kiss her cheek. "Stay out of trouble."

"I will, love ya."

I stop in the door, smiling. "Love you too."

-------------

"How's your sister, man?" I hear Davis voice and turn to it.

"Hmm?" I ask.

"Asked you how your sister was doin'?" He questioned.

"Oh, good." A small smile crossed my lips. "My mom got to see her last night. They hugged for so long. It's been a long time since I've seen my Mom that happy about somethin'." I say.

Davis nods. "That's good, she still hasn't seen your Dad?"

I laugh. "No, an' she won't." Not if I can help it, I wasn't letting him anywhere near her.

He looks at me, I can tell by the expression on his face he wants to ask why, but decides not too.

"I went an' got her a futon." I tell Davis. "I'm tryin' to make the smaller bedroom into hers, ya know? So she has her own space."

"So she's gunna stay with you?"

I smile and nod. "She seems to want too."

"That's good then? Right?" He asks.

"Sure I guess, I mean least I know she's not out on the streets anymore. I know she's safe."

"That's good then, I'm happy for you." Davis tells me.

"Thanks."

"55 David." I hear the voice on the radio come to life.

"55 David." I reply.

"55 David meet Boyd 55-3 for a possible drug over dose, in the alley of King and 89th."

I sigh. "55 David responding King and 89th."

"10-4 55 David."

Davis speeds the RMP up, as I turn on the lights and sirens. Luckily we weren't too far from the location.

We arrive about three minuets later, I grab my patrol mans cap off the dash, and place it on my head. Getting out of the RMP, I see Grace and Carlos are already there, treating the patient.

It wasn't until I got there I saw the patient. "Oh my god. Bridget!" I kneel along side. "Bridget?"

Grace turns to me. "Do you know her?" She asks putting an oxygen mask over her face.

"She's my sister." I reply. "What's wrong with her?" I ask. Bridget was suppose to be at home, not here.

Grace held up a small baggie with two pink pills inside. "Bad X." She starts an IV. "Little stick Bridget." She says softly to my unconscious sister.

"Damn it, Bridget." I say. "C'mon on Budgie, it's me Brendan wake up...."

-----------

"Budgie." I push her curly locks out of her face. He really did a good job this time. "Budgie." I saw once more as her eyes open.

"What happened?" She asks.

"Dad, he uh.." I pause, her nose is bleeding, her arm is obviously broken, and she'll need stitches for the gash on her head. "He pushed you down the stairs."

"That explains why I hurt so much." She tries to smile, she trying to be strong. For me.

"I called an ambulance, you're gunna need to go to the hospital." I say my tone soft and comforting.

She nods in reply, to weak to argue with me. "Brendan?" She looks up with me, a few tears falling down her cheeks. "Why does Dad hate me so much? I never did anythin' to him."

"I wish I knew Budgie, I wish I knew." I say hearing the sirens approaching.

-------------

I hear the sirens as the bus rushes towards Angel of Mercy hospital, my sisters small body is violently thrashing around, on the gurney. "What's wrong with her? What's happening?" I ask Grace.

"The ecstasy is causing her to have a seizure." She explains to me, injecting Bridget with some sort of drug. She waited, shaking her head as the seizure continued.

"Can't you do somethin' for her? Please?" I'm begging Grace. "Please Grace."

"Brendan I'm trying. I am, relax." She again injects another drug. The seizure seems to stop, but her heart beat was still racing, and I could tell by the look on Grace's face it wasn't good.

By the time we get to Mercy, my sisters rapid heartbeat, had stopped, in fact her heart had completely stopped. I watched in fear as Grace rode the gurney in, doing chest compressions the whole time.

I could hear Carlos reading off her vitals and telling the doctor the treatment they had done in the field, all their attempts to save her. To help her. I walk following the gurney. "Budgie it's okay I'm right here. Okay, you hang in there for me. I'm right here. I'm not leaving." I cry out to her.

I feel Nurse Proctor stop me. "You can't go in there." She says.

I look at my sister, then at her. "Let her know I'm here okay, let her know please." I could see them tubing her, and then getting the Defibrillator ready, to shock her.

"I will."

-----------

I'm sitting in the waiting room, flipping through extremely outdated magazines waiting for news on my sister. Some one better come out soon, because this waiting game sucks. I find myself looking at my watch, it's only 45 seconds later from the last time I had looked.

Sighing I put the stupid Golfing Digest down and start pacing. One would think I was an expecting father by the way I was pacing. I was sure at any minuet I would ware a hole in the floor in fall through.

I look around the waiting room staring at all the faces. Some worried, some sick, some heart broken. I wondered what brought them here, I'm scared to think that there were other people out there who had it much worse then we did.

Nervously I sit back down, this time picking up Parenting Weekly, flipping through the pages I stop, glance at my watch. This time it was a minuet and half since I last looked at my watch. I really hated waiting.

Putting the magazine down, I rested my elbow on the arm of the chair, supporting my head, as I drifted off to sleep.

I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I was woken up by a gentle shaking. Quickly I opened my eyes to see the doctor standing there. I stood up. "How's my sister?" I ask.

"I'd like to talk to you in private."

----------

I'm staring at Dr. Fields in total disbelief. "No." I shake my head. "You're lying."

He sighs. "I'm sorry Officer, we tried everything but we couldn't save her."

I'm still shaking my head. He just can't give up like that; he can't stop fighting for my sister. Not that easily. "There's got to be more, you can't just give up. She's my sister god damn it!"

"We did everything humanly possible, but it was enough. Your sister was too sick" He places a comforting hand on my shoulder, in which I shove off. He sighs. "Again, I'm truly sorry officer."

I can feel the anger boil in my blood, my fists clenched so tight my knuckles were white as snow. "Budgie....No." It wasn't fair she didn't deserve this, she didn't.

"Brendan." I hear a familiar voice.

I turn, seeing my father. "You asshole." I charge at him like a linebacker, during Monday night football, shoving him through a glass window. "You did this to her, you did this you bastard!" I yell as we hit the floor, glass falling on top of us.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Shadows of his past  
Rating: R - Violence and such  
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.  
Category: Angst  
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.  
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you. Also thank you everyone for your reviews. I will be starting on chapter six soon. It may take longer then the others to write but I'll be working on it.

My fist meets my father's face for third time in a row, I'm sure my hand is broken by the pain I'm feeling, but I don't care. The bastard deserved it. Before I know it, I feel Ty and Grace pulling me off.

"Brendan." Ty says. "Stop."

I look down at my fathers blood covered face. "You did this one her."

He slowly stands, wiping the blood away. He looks at me. "Brendan please."

"No, don't start that shit Dad." I feel tears rolling down my face. "What am I going to tell Mom? Her daughters dead, how am I suppose to tell her that?"

He stands. "I'll handle it."

"That will get over like a fart in church."

"Apparently," he fixes his tie, "she wasn't cut out for the streets." There was no emotion at all in his face; it was like he didn't care.

"You bastard." I snap. "You selfish bastard." I knew he was low, but I still couldn't believe he had just said that.

My father ignores me, and turns to one of the doctors. "I want to see my daughter."

"No, don't let him in there." I shout. "Keep him away!"

His arms are crossed over his chest, with one of them he reaches out and slaps me. "Shut up," he turns. "I want to see my daughter NOW!"

I see Ty react slightly to my dad's slap; he looks at me and says nothing. It's better that way.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAUGHTER!" He yells at one of the doctors.

"Trauma two." He replies.

"Where is that?" My father questions

"I can show you sir, but you should get checked out first."

He shakes his head putting up a firm hand. "I want to see my daughter."

The doctor sighs. "Yes sir, right this way."

"Thank you doctor." He fixes his tie once more and glares at me. I want to kill him.

I watch my father go and start to follow him when Davis stops me. "Brendan." He grabs my arm.

I turn. "What?"

"Don't," he says, "let him go."

I shake my head. "No, I can't. He did this to her. I wanna see what he hasta say."

"Finney." Davis warns.

"Mind your own business Davis." I walk away from him making my way through the ER; I stop right outside of Bridget's room.

The doctors had yet to clean up, evidence of the attempt to save her life still there. There were two nurses slowly cleaning the room, who left as my father entered, I watched him push back some of her hair. Sticking it behind her ear. To me it's all a big act, a show: for the doctors and nurses, for his fellow cops, those who truly didn't know him. Trying to make himself look like father of the year, which he was anything but.

"You're so beautiful." He tells her, pushing more hair out of her face. "Just like your mother. You look just like her, when I first saw her, when I first feel in love with her."

I try not to laugh, seriously someone should hand him an Oscar, because this is one award winning performance.

"I tried to be a good father, I tried to raise you the right way. But you just wouldn't listen. You had to do it your way, and this is what happens. Why wouldn't you listen to me? Huh?" He shakes his head. "You always did what you wanted. You were never were able to stand up for yourself, always had your brother do it. Maybe that's why you ended up this way, because you weren't cut out for the streets. You couldn't hack it. You couldn't suck it up and just shoot could you?"

My fists clench tightly, as I resist the urge to go in there and beat him an inch from his life. How could someone be so insensitive? His daughter's dead, and he blames her.

He takes her lifeless hand in his. "If you would have just tried, just tried a little harder. Maybe if you hadn't given up so easily, it wouldn't have been so bad. But you always gave up, you quit whenever things got too hard." He leans down and kisses her forehead. "I'll miss you baby, I love you."

I couldn't stand any more. "Bullshit."

He turns to me, the anger in his eye apparent. "I suggest you keep you opinions to yourself, if I want them I'll ask for them."

"You never loved her." I say. "You never gave a shit 'bout her." I place my hands on my duty belt. "Not once."

"You should be careful with what you say son."

"You're the one who gave up on her. She tried so hard, but she wasn't perfect. She was human, but that wasn't good enough for you. You killed her, you killed your own daughter."

His left eyelid flutters in anger.

"Jus' because she couldn't be like you. All those years of abuse."

"You shouldn't make accusations." He tells me.

"How does it feel to know you're the one who kill your daughter?' Before I can stop him he slams me forcefully against the wall.

"I warned you. You didn't keep your mouth shut, I warned you."

I feel pain throb through the back of my head as it makes contact with the cold, title wall of the hospital room. I close my eyes feeling his fist meeting my face.

"You have a big mouth!" He shouts, banging my head against the wall once more. "You don't tell me how to raise my children. I thought there was hope for you but apparently I was wrong." He lets go of me, as my body slides down the wall and to the floor. He walks off leaving me there.

I reach for the back of my head, feeling wetness I look at my hand, seeing blood, before I finally black out.

-----------------

I open my eyes my head is pounding. I could seriously use some aspirin right about now. I look around, rubbing the back of my head. I had a knot the size of a handball. I'm still in the hospital, but I'm alone. The lighting is soft, and a gentle song plays in the background. "Hello?" I call out. I hear a females voice now, it's soft and pleasant and she sings along with music.

"Hello? Anyone out there?" I ask, slowly getting up from the floor. I'm oddly drawn to the voice. It's like a sirens cry, or something. Whatever it is, it's really strange and I can't help but go to it. I keep walking towards it, and as I do the soft light gets brighter. I walk down a long hallway, stopping at two double doors.

I'm still hearing the female voice singing, and it's the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. Pushing the doors open the bright light fades, but the singing continues. The room is a dark blue, with the softest light ever; glowing. Looking I see a girl, she dressed in all white, and she's hanging up stars. Silver, glittery stars. But I can't make out whom she is. "Excuse me." I clear my throat. "I think I might be-"

She turns. "Yes?"

"Bridget?" She looked so beautiful she was stunning.

"Oh hey." She floats around hanging up more of the glittery stars. You know the type you use for Christmas decorations it's really weird.

I stare at her; I still can't get over how beautiful she looks. Like - like an angel.

"What are you gawking at?" She hangs up a much larger star.

"You, Bridget you look so beautiful."

She smiles. "Thank you."

"But you're-" I pause I can't even say it.

"Dead? Yes I know." She replies.

"So does that mean am dead?" I ask her.

Floating around some, she shakes her head, and lands. "Nope, just hanging out. You'll wake up shortly. You're gunna have an awful headache when you do." She smirks.

I rub the back of my head. "Yeah I see that." I watch her for a few more minuets still captured by her beauty. "Budgie-"

"Yea?" She smiles hanging up a few more stars.

"I'm sorry Budgie, I'm so sorry."

She stops and turns to me. "For what?"

"For letting this happen." I tell her. "For letting you die, for not trying harder. For not being a better brother."

"Brendan," she walks, almost gliding towards me, "this isn't your fault. You didn't tell me to do Ecstasy. You didn't make me."

"But had I helped you before, you would have never needed to turn to drugs." She stands in front of me. She's even more beautiful up close. If that was even possible, I reach out, running my hand through her soft read curls, letting my hand fall along her cheek, I cup the side of her face in my hand. "God Budgie."

She reaches up and takes my hand. "Brendan, you did the best you could, I couldn't have asked for a better brother."

"I let you die, more so I let him hurt you."

"No, no you didn't. He couldn't be stopped. He was a monster, a cold-blooded monster. No better then those assholes you've arrested."

I'm biting down on my bottom lip, trying not to cry. "God, I gunna miss you Budgie, I'm gunna miss you so much."

She nods. "I'll miss you too." She tells me. "You can help me though."

"How?" I ask.

"The truth, find the truth. Let them know the truth. Let them know who Dad really is."

I wasn't sure what she meant by this, but I wasn't going to let her down. "Okay, I will. I'll do it, for you Budgie."

"You take care of Mom too, okay. Tell her I love her." She's still holding on to my hand, it's warm. It's perfect.

"I will." I reply giving her hand a soft squeeze. "I promise you."

"You be careful out there Brendan, watch out for yourself? Alright?"

"Okay." I smile.

"You gotta go, you gotta wake up now." She tells me in a reassuring tone.

I shake my head. I didn't want to leave her; I wanted to stay, "Budgie, I can't. I don't want to."

"It's time Brendan. You haveta." She kisses my cheek. "I love you Brendan." She wipes away one of my tears. "I'll never forget you."

"I - I love you too." I reply kissing her back. I don't want to let her go.

"I'll always be "there." All you gotta do." Her eyes look up at the glittery stars above. "Is look up."

"God I'm going to miss you." She slowly begins to fade away.

"Remember, just look up." I hear her voice saying, before everything fades to complete blackness. I slowly open my eyes again to see Ty kneeling in front of me.

"Hey man, you okay?"

Wow did I -ever- have a headache. "Yeah. W-what happened."

He shrugged. "Don't know, all I saw was your Dad throw you against the wall." He tells me.

Oh yeah now I remember. I stand up, I'm a little dizzy at first, but I manage to keep my balance.

"You really should get that looked at, think you need stitches."

"Yea." I reply shortly. My head hurt like a motherfucker "Great."

"Get it looked at okay, then we gotta go back to the house, Swersky wants to talk to you."

"Good because I need to talk to him." It was time for the truth to be told.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Shadows of his past  
Rating: R - Violence and such  
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.  
Category: Angst  
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.  
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you. Also thank you everyone for your reviews.

I don't think I had ever seen Lieutenant Swersky so mad before he was livid. My father though, his face was unmoved, it was like he didn't care. Which knowing him; he didn't. I mean it was only his daughter that died.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" I think the whole precinct heard Swersky when he asked that question.

"Nothing happened, it was a misunderstanding." My Dad says, adjusting his tie. I can tell he's nervous; he's always adjusts his tie when he's nervous.

"I'll say, he has a broken hand, four stitches in the back of his hand, you have a black eye, a fat lip, and there's a broken window in the ER of Angel of Mercy hospital. NOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"

"Yeah dad why don't you tell him?"

My father shoots me the coldest glare ever; I can almost feel my blood freeze. "My son just needs to control his anger."

"Me? Me? I need to control my anger. You're kidding me?" I turn to Swersky "He should be one to talk about anger management."

"Apparently my son isn't ready for the job yet, and what comes with the job."

I start laughing. "Just like Bridget huh? That's why she's dead now. She's not coming back dead, she's dead Dad." I clench my fists again.

He just stares, saying nothing.

"Just as I thought, you don't give a shit you never did."

"Bridget was your-" Swersky starts.

I cut him off. "-My sister, his daughter. You know your flesh and blood." I stare right at my father.

Again he adjusts his tie. "My daughter she ran away three years ago. I've been searching for her."

"Bullshit!"

"Brendan!" Swersky speaks.

My Father looks at me, and then turns back to Swersky. "She had always been a troubled girl, I was worried. I have been since she left. She was my baby girl."

I start laughing, only to get an angered look from Lieutenant Swersky.

"So when I heard, she was at Mercy and why." My father says. "I got there as fast as I could. Only it was too late, my little girl was gone." I watch as a tear rolls down his cheek.

This was a better performance then Mercy. "Now why don't you tell him the truth?"

My father looks at me. "You'll have to forgive my son, one he's delusional, and two he has no respect for authority."

"You want to teach me? Huh Dad? Show Lieutenant Swersky how you teach respect for authority figures, such yourself? How 'bout you beat it into me, like you did Bridget? Or even better how about a pot of boiling water? That ring a bell?"

He's really adjusting his tie this time. "I don't know what you are talking about." He smiles at Swersky. "My son has always had an imaginative mind, he really is a wonderful story teller."

"You seem to be doin' a better job then me right now, so why don't you go a head dad. Tell Swersky how your father of the year."

He looks at his watch, and again adjusts his tie. "I have a meeting I need to get to." He stands extending his hand. "Thank you for your time Lieutenant Swersky and I apologize for my son's behavior. I'll be sure it doesn't happen again."

Swersky shakes his hand. "I'll be in contact with you Captain." He says as my father leaves the room.

I'm still sitting in Swersky office; I run my finger over the brim of my duty cap, and then stare at the picture inside. It's Bridget and me when we were kids. _Tell the truth. _ I hear my sister's voice. "Sir-" I start. "I -- my father, he. It was all lies."

He leans against a desk, his arms crossed over his chest. "Care to tell me the truth?"

I nod. "My father use to abuse her, me and my mother."

He stands up now and looks at me. "What? Officer, you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes sir, I have too, for Bridget." I look up at him. "You can pull up her medical records, you'll see. The broken bones, the burns, the hospital stays; it's all there."

"I can order an autopsy if you'd like."

"My father won't allow it." I say. "He'd put up a fight." He probably try and take the city down. Maybe even kill the M.E

"Court ordered he wouldn't be able to stop it." He says. "If what you say is true, would you like to make a statement?"

"Yes sir, I'll do whatever I haveta, he can't get away with it anymore." I tell him knowing my father needs to pay. Knowing this is what Bridget would have wanted.

"Would you like a union rep?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm willing to do this on my own, whatever happens, happens."

"It might not be pretty." He tilts his head.

"Neither was what he did to his family, I'm willing to take the risk. If it means he pays for all the pain he's caused."

"He has a lot of friends in high places."

I nod. "I'm well aware of it, but I don't care. Bridget might be alive today had he been stopped sooner. I'm a cop, sworn to serve and protect. My job is to get scum off the street. I'm jus' doin' my job."

"If this is what you want." He tells me.

"It is sir, my sister deserves the truth, and people need to know what kind of man my father really is."

"If your sure, I will have the DA order an autopsy and I will keep you informed. As for now, go change, go home, and get some rest."

Knowing the condition of my hand, I know I very well can't stay so putting up a fight would be a waste of energy. "Yes sir, thank you sir."

He nods. "No problem."

I'm changed and ready to leave when I saw my father pass outside, soon after I heard Sullivan's voice.

"Look everyone it's Cathel Finney, word has it he beats his family. Your secret is out you rat bastard. Everyone knows."

I quickly make my way outside. Seeing my father staring at Sully.

"Tell me CT did Finney did it make you hard each time you hit them. Did t make you feel like a man knowing you beat on your family?"

Suddenly Swersky steps outside. "Sullivan."

"It turned you on hearing them cry, knowing you hurt them. It made you hard. Tell me one more thing CT Finney. How do you feel now?" I can tell he's amused.

"Okay enough!" Swersky yells.

"Wasn't enough to shoot and kill a fellow cop, you had to beat your family and the side."

"SULLIVAN THAT IS ENOUGH!" Swersky yells. "Go back on patrol. NOW!"

"I'd like that officer charged with verbal abuse." My Father looks over his shoulder at Swersky.

"I'd like you to leave my precinct, no charges will be filed against Officer Sullivan." Swersky matter-of-factly says.

My father looks at me, and then looks at Swersky. "Well just see about that."

"Yes we will. Have a good day Captain." Swersky calls out to him.

Suddenly I realize everyone is now staring at me, quickly I head out of the precinct trying to avoid the whispers that were floating around.

I see Ty as I walked out of the precinct, my eyes don't stay on him to long as I watch my Dad get into his car with his goons. He can't to far without them, he drives away but definitely not towards home. "Davis."

"Yeah?" he replies.

"Think you hum -- can you give me a ride to my mothers?"

He nods. "Yeah, sure no problem. C'mon."

"Thanks." I say walking to the RMP. "Sorry you gotta ride alone the rest of the shift." I look down at my casted hand, knowing I'd be riding desk for a few week maybe it would be best.

"Hey Finney; it's cool. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry for your loss." He gets into the RMP as I follow. "I understand. I would have done the same thing."

He starts driving, and I'm completely numb. I stare out the window, not sure weather or not I want to scream or cry, or turn around find my father and kill him. I had just gotten my sister back, only to lose her so soon. It wasn't fair and it didn't have to happen. Not to her.

As we drive we pass the playground I use to take her too all the time. She loved the swings. It was her most absolute favorite thing in the park. My mind drifts back.

----------

"Higher." She cries. "Higher Brendan."

"You're goin' as high as you can Budgie." I tell her giving her one more shove.

She swings back and forth. A smile on her face you can't forget, she begins to come to a stop. "Again, this time higher."

"Budgie," I laugh, "you can't go any higher, and you'll fall off."

She huff. "Fine," she replies, "but we can try right?"

"Sure, we can try kiddo. No problem."

She swung for a few more minuets before finally dragging her feet, bringing the swing to a stop. "Will you push me on the merry-go-around?"

I nod smiling. "Sure go on, but then get gotta go home, we don't want to be late for dinner."

"Mommy's making Pigs-in-blanket tonight." She smiled.

"I know she is." I walk with her over to the merry-go-around, adjusting her ski cap that sat on her head. "Hop on and hang on tight."

She jumps on, sitting down she grabbed on tightly. "Okay, I'm ready Brendan!"

I start running with it, before letting it go, watching her blur past me a dozen times before it finally slowed down and came to a stop. "C'mon, we should go, its getting cold an' dark." I take her hand helping her off the ride.

"I'm dizzy Brendan." She has a goofy grin on her face.

"I bet you are." I smile as we started walking.

"Can we come tomorrow?" She looks up at me, her cheeks rosy, from the cold.

"We'll see, we can try. I can't promise you though. It's supposed to rain."

"Okay, but if it doesn't rain?"

Not sure what kind of mood would be in tomorrow, I look down at her. "We'll see okay."

"Alright." She answers skipping a bit.

We arrive home a few minuets later; I pull the Iron Gate open, letting my sister go ahead of me. She runs up the steps, then stops turning around.

"Brendan" She calls out wiping her running nose on the sleeve of her coat.

"What?" I pick her up in my arms.

"You're the best brother in the world." She tells me.

--------

"Finney?"

I turn to Ty the RMP has stopped. "Yeah?" I asked dully.

"We're here." he replies.

"Oh," I climb out of the RMP, "thanks."

"You want me to stay?" He asks me.

"No - no I haveta do this on my own." My eyes scan the street in front of the house; I didn't see my father's car anywhere.

"Okay, if you need anythin' call okay."

"Thanks Davis."

"No problem man." He answers.

I stand staring at the front of my house, as Davis drives away. It's a few minuets before I can finally bring myself to walk up the steps and knock on the door.

My mother answers, a smile on her face she kisses me. "Hey sweetie."

I can't even look at her; I know if I do I'll start crying.

"Come in." She holds the door open as I finally make my way inside.

Finally I look at her, my face can't hide it.

"Brendan?" She asks me. "Brendan, sweetheart? What's wrong? Did something happen at work? Are you okay?" She looks down. "Your hand what happened?"

"Mom, you should sit down there's something I need to tell you?"

My mom keeps her eyes on me as she backs up to the sofa sitting down. "Brendan? Something happen to you father?"

"Mom, we got a call today." I start out. I can feel the tears forming. I've told people a loved one has died before, but never my own mother. I didn't think I would have too.

She's scared, I can tell. She knows the news is bad. I'm about to break her heart, hurt her more then she's probably already been heart.

"It was for a drug overdose." I pause thinking of how to say that. They don't teach this part in the PA. "Mom, it was Bridget..."

She starts shaking her head I can see her crying. "Brendan, no please don't. -"

"Mom I'm sorry." I tell her. "I'm so sorry Mom, the doctors tried everything. The medics too, they worked real hard."

"No, not my baby, no my baby." She is bawling now.

"Mom." I pull her into my arms. "Mom I'm so sorry."

"Brendan, my baby's gone.... she's gone." She's sobbing into my shoulder crying, hugging me tightly.

I just hold her, knowing no matter what I say, no matter how hard I try I can't make it better. I can't bring Bridget back, I can't un-break my mom's heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Shadows of his past  
Rating: R - Violence and such  
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.  
Category: Angst  
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: Okay this chapter was breal/b hard for me to write. Don't know why, just couldn't seem to figure it out. It's taken me over a month to finally finish it. It's a little different then the rest. It's from both Finney Sr. and Finney Jr's POV. Please let me know what you think, depending on the reviews I don't know if or when there will be a chapter 9. So read it, hopefully people will review it, and try to enjoy it.

I looked at the detective; we were a good hour or so into the questioning, me sharing the horrors of my childhood.

"It says here that when you were six you received four stitches in the back of your head because, you slipped on ice."

"That's what it says but that's not what happened." I stare down into my coffee; I'm unable to drink it.

"What happened officer?" He questions me, not looking up from the yellow, steno pad that lie in front of him.

I stall taking my time answering him. "My Dad - he -- well he pushed me down the stairs, I hit my head." I watched as the detective scribbles everything I say down. I bring the coffee cup up to my mouth, the once steam hot liquid now luke warm.

"This wasn't the first incident?"

"No sir, nor was it the last." I reply. I put the cop back down. This was a lot harder then I thought. I had to do it though, for Bridget's sake.

"You sister, once spent a week in the hospital for a bruised kidney? It says here she fell in the playground."

"My father got mad at her, so he kicked her." I can't look at him.

"Hard enough to bruise her kidney?"

"That's right sir. We didn't know at first. She was crying because it hurt, ya know? Who could blame her? It hurt when she breathed and all, but we didn't know it was bad. She went to the bathroom suddenly she started screaming. She saw blood in her urine. So we took her to the hospital."

"Was your father always abusive to you, your mother and your sister?" He asks me.

"No, not always. When they released my sister from the hospital, he was actually nice to her. He bought her ice cream, a new doll; let her stay up with him watching TV. He even held her in his lap. It was like he felt guilty you know. He was real good to her for a few days, but it didn't last. Something happened at work, and he brought home his anger with him. Taking it out on us."

"Your broken ribs?" The detective asked me. "How did that happen?"

"My dad was beating up on my mother again, so I went to stop him. I was trying to help her. He didn't approve, so he hit me over the ribs with his baton."

------------

I sat staring at the detective, knowing I could easily have his badge. What right did he have asking me these questions? Who was he, didn't he know I out ranked him. "You have no right to be asking me these kinds of questions, detective. I loved my family and I would never hurt them."

The detective looked up at me ignoring my comment. "Your son Brendan received four stitches to the back of his head when he was six."

"Yes, I don't remember how it happened." I reply.

"Says here he slipped on ice."

That was it. That was the excuse we used. "Yes now I remember, out in front of the house. He ran ahead of me, he wasn't pay attention and slipped on the ice falling." I say.

"He says you pushed him down the stairs." The detective told me.

"Well he made that up. I never laid a hand on him."

"So when your daughter Bridget was admitted to St. Vincent's hospital for a bruised Kidney, you didn't do that by kicking her?"

"Detective, I don't know where you got your information." I leaned in resting my elbows on the table. "Bridget fell in the school playground. She came home from school later that day not felling to well. We thought it was the stomach flu. That was until she found blood in her urine, then told us what really happened. " I pause. "It was hard on her mother and I; she was so little, to have her stay in the hospital, it was rough. It wasn't fair to her either."

I watch him writing down everything I had just told him. "My children were very accident prone, detective. If it wasn't Bridget getting hurt, it was my son Brendan."

"Yes sir, we pulled up they're hospital records. They've both had frequent trips to the emergency room, as well many hospital stays for their injuries."

"Like I said they were very accident prone."

"Hmm mm." He replied to me, writing away. He flipped a few pages back, in his notebook and read something over a few times.

"I love my kids with all my heart. I tried to raise them right. It worked with my son, but my daughter wasn't so lucky. She struggled so hard, but she just couldn't make it." I slam my fists on the table. "It's hard enough I have to bury her the day after tomorrow. I don't need you guys making stories up. What would her mother think if she heard this? She's been a mess. If she hears this, it'll make her worse. Just let me bury my daughter without any problems. Let my family grieve."

The detective looks at me, he shakes his head. "That's why you hit them." He mumbled.

"Where do you get off of accusing me of that? I never touched either of them. Like I said I loved them, I loved Bridget more then life itself, she was my daughter, my pride in joy. It wasn't easy razing her, and now it's too late. Bringing me in here and accusing me of something I didn't do, isn't making this better on my family. We want to bury her, but can't because they wouldn't release the body." I stood up I had enough of this. "I have places to be." I said. "So if you'll excuse me."

"We'll be in contact with you Captain Finney." He says.

"And you will know where to find me." I left the interrogation room slamming the door behind me.

XXXXXXXXX

"So what next?" I asked them. I finished telling them everything I knew, explaining to them what it was like growing up under my father's roof. What it was really like. Not the so-called happy go lucky family, he showed at the family picnics, but the real Finney family.

"We'll be in contact with you. We're going to go over the case from here."

"You're gunna arrest him right?" I ask. They couldn't let me dad get away with it.

"We'll let you know officer Finney." He shakes my hand.

I sigh to myself. "Thank you for all your time sir." I return the handshake.

"Your welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." I numbly leave the interrogation room, heading to the locker room so I can begin my shift. Swersky said I could have taken the day off, but working was a distraction. I distraction I so desperately needed. Heading into the locker room, I pushed the door open and silently walked over to my locker room avoiding the eye contact and stares from everyone else.

"How you holdin' up man?" Davis asked me as I opened my locker.

I shrug. "I...ya know?" I really didn't have an answer for him, I still was in a fog, and it still wasn't real.

"Yeah." He replies watching me for a few minutes. "You know if you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. You have my number."

I nod in reply. I had been riding with Davis for a while now, he and I were friends, but suddenly everyone seemed to becoming out of the woodwork to offer their help. Sure I appreciated it, but I was tired of it. "Thanks." I said buttoning up my shirt, then adjusting my tie. "I won't be here tomorrow." I say to him, closing my locker door, I began tying my boot. "Her wake is tomorrow."

Davis. "Okay no problem, I was thinking of stopping by, paying my respects."

"Thanks Davis." I look up at him. "I'll see you in roll." I tell him before finally leaving the locker room. I just wanted all this to be over. If I couldn't get Bridget back, I just wanted this to end.


End file.
